Of Her Own Will
by Avesolaris
Summary: Hinata reflects on a cousin and lover long lost. NejiHina, brief mentions of NaruHina


Even though it's not explicitly stated in the manga, but I believe Neji really did love Hinata but refrained from confessing his love to her because he knew she loved Naruto, and there was the fact that he was a Hyuuga Branch member. As for Hinata, I'd always thought she confused her admiration for Naruto with love, because he and his "Ninja Way" represented all the things that she hoped to be - strong, free and recognised by others since she was shunned from the Hyuuga clan.

I just wanted to depict a different side of the NaruHina dynamic - the blindness of Hinata's love for Naruto, and about the deeper connection Hinata shares with Neji. Even though Hinata is the seen as altruistic by many, I believe she is a flawed person whose desire to prove herself (not giving up) stems from the pressure she faces in being a clan heiress, and how she submits to the pressures and expectations the clan places upon her. That would also explain why she didn't reciprocate Neji's feelings.

 **Characters** : Hinata, Naruto, Neji

* * *

Hinata couldn't remember a time when she was **_not_** in love with Naruto. He was everything she aspired to be, and it was he who showed her a path of hope where the Hyuga and her father saw none in her.

 _Never giving up, that's my ninja way_ , so he said.

This guy didn't know it, but he was a liberator of the Hyuga Clan. He was the one who broke the cage of the Hyuga's age-old traditions and archaic mindsets of destiny, shaking the pristine white eyes long cloistered by wealth. How could she not fall in love with a man like that? After all, every girl needs, wants, _desires_ a hero.

He was an easy man to love.

Whether it was risking his life to rescue her from the moon, complimenting her on her beauty, or giving her goodbye kisses at the door, the Seventh Hokage was every bit a loving and attentive husband.

He made it easy to forget. Oh, yes he did.

Forget that there was a hero greater than him, forget the warm springtime of childhood, forget the soft kiss upon her lips.

If Hinata could not remember a time when she was not in love with Naruto, she could not remember a time when she never knew Neji. Like their twin fathers before them, they entered into this world as a pair, connected by the blood-red ties of kinship and fate. No matter how hard you pulled, one could never cut the invisible strings that wove one's heart and mind to the other. So it was with her and her cousin Neji.

Hinata remembers the flowers, pink and beautiful in full bloom, being placed gingerly into her hair by clumsy small hands – pale eyes that always seemed to look upon her with adoration, and the soft swishing of the emerald grass around them as they twirled in a dance against the sunset.

She remembers the pain in those beautiful, beautiful pale lavender eyes as the Curse Mark seared its agonizing presence on Neji's face, sealing everything important to him. It was theft of the highest order. Freedom was not a right, it was an unattainable dream. And for the first time, Hinata felt that there was someone else who understood what it was like to be held captive in gilded cages of silver and gold.

She remembers the cold, distant moon reflected in his eyes as his swift movements cut through her body, rendering her unconscious and defeated on a sterile white bed. As she lay in the hospital ward, Hinata thinks the physical pain she feels couldn't have been any greater than the pain of knowing that her sole companion in captivity had tried to tear both their worlds apart.

But most importantly, she remembers that one summer evening, right before the Fourth Shinobi War, when Neji suddenly lowered his hands in the middle of their practice, leaving her confused and bewildered.

"What is it Neji nii-san?" she asked, dropping her stance to match his.

"The war is tomorrow, Hinata-sama. We should stop our training and rest early tonight," said Neji, his face as impassive and unreadable as ever.

It is an art to read Neji's face, and only the most adept in looking beneath the surface could ever come close to guessing what was on his mind. But Hinata saw. Saw the worry and trepidation etched in the tense muscles beneath his pale skin, and she knew something was wrong.

As with everything else, Hinata was a considerate woman, and she didn't want to pry into things that people did not want to share.

"Hai, Neji nii-san," she nodded, inclining her head in a slight bow towards him.

Neji nodded back, a slight smile adorning his handsome face, and Hinata found herself smiling back at him.

He stepped forward, placed his hands deftly upon her shoulders and gazed intently back at her, "Hinata sama, what happens tomorrow is something we have never seen or can barely be prepared for. This is an unknown enemy, this is war."

In the pale moonlight, Neji's dark and perfect eyebrows knit together in a worried frown, and Hinata thinks it looks awful on him. It made him look like her father.

"But no matter what happens, or how great the enemy is, we will do our best to protect Konoha, our comrades and everyone we love…"

His grip tightens around her shoulders and Hinata feels Neji's long, dark, silky hair brush softly against her cheek as a gentle wind blows against the night.

"No matter what happens, so long as I live, I will do my best to protect you and your dreams, Hinata sama," Neji says, his voice gentle and soft, "That is my wish."

Hinata's eyes widen as the words tumble from his lips – Neji was willing to do all that for her? Is this what devotions feels like? Hinata wonders, as she feels something warm envelop her heart.

Then Neji kisses her. A soft, chaste meeting of the lips, and the warm feeling within Hinata's chest blossoms into a million flowers, each glowing with the promise of hopes and dreams to come. In that moment, Hinata realizes she loves Neji – loves him in this precious kiss they share. In that moment, they are not two caged birds languishing in the darkness of their gilded cells. In that moment, they are alive and free, living in a fantasy of make-believe and what-ifs.

But Neji parts his lips from hers and the fantasy drops, leaving the million glowing flowers in Hinata's chest to wilt and disappear into grey ash that weighed heavily on her heart. In the end, they were two caged birds sharing nothing more than a moment of unspoken hopes, dreams and love; all of which are fated to be cursed as they are caught in the cruel spinning wheel of fate.

Captives of the Hyuga, that's what they were, and Hinata feels her heart break as Neji gifts her with one of his rare smiles.

"Thank you, Hinata-sama."

The most painful words to ever leave Neji's lips, and Hinata's heart breaks along with his.

Hinata never once doubted Neji's devotion to her, but when he fulfills his promise to her, she was never more shocked in her entire life.

As she watches the light leave his beautiful eyes, she feels a bittersweet taste in her mouth as she realizes that Neji's death had bequeathed him his dream of freedom. How tragic, that what was denied him in life is to be given to him in death.

Hinata doesn't show it, but she hurts. Hurts from knowing that she is the only caged bird left with none to accompany her or share in her pain. She is a prisoner on her own, and she hates that.

She finally breaks free – or so she thinks, when she proves herself a strong bastion of support to Konoha's Golden Hero, fighting alongside him and reminding him of what he was fighting for. When Naruto kisses her, his cerulean blue eyes _looking_ at her, she thought her dreams must all have come true – she never gave up, and she gained recognition from her family and the man she loves. She _must_ be in love.

She thinks she's free – except for times like these, when the full moon hangs high in the dark night sky, alone and distantly beautiful in its silvery glow. She lies alone in her cage, wings spread but unable to fly, pining for a love gone and lost – and it was all her fault.

Delusional, **_she_** was delusional.

Delusional to think that proving her abilities and gaining recognition from others were the most important things she lived and fought for. Delusional to confuse love with her selfish desires to prove herself that she cast away her true feelings and desires. Delusional to think that she was free from the shackles of her heritage and birthright.

Neji was the free one, the one who recognized the shackles of the Hyuga that chained them apart from each other and made the move to express his love freely that night. He was not like her, putting his selfish desires first. The only reason he took years to do so, Hinata realized, was because he knew she loved Naruto.

Even in death, he pursued his wishes and dreams like a free bird, and Hinata knew she did not and **_could not_** do the same. Because as much as she hated to admit it, she was her own captive.

 ** _"Slavery takes hold of few, but many take hold of slavery,"_** Neji once told her.

She smiles morosely, and when Naruto wraps his strong arms around her, for the briefest of moments, Hinata thinks she sees not his arms, but golden rungs that arch around her and imprison her in.

And it was all her doing.


End file.
